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Namaste, indeed.

Feels like I’m slowly climbing up from the darkness. The weather here has been wonderful for about a week, low to mid-70s during the day, 50s at night, so I think that has helped.

It’s been really hard but I’ve managed to keep my eating under control for 3 days. Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s been fairly bad for about 6 weeks now. Monday night I was super hungry after 10pm and I almost caved in and snacked but I’m trying really hard to not eat at night before bed.

Monday I got up early and walked. Yesterday I couldn’t manage to pull myself out of bed to walk, but late in the afternoon I learned about a free yoga class on the bank of a nearby river which sounded awesome. I love yoga but don’t do it often as 1. I prefer to go to a class where someone else decides what poses to do so I don’t have to think; and 2. practicing at a studio is super expensive.

I wasn’t sure if I could hold out until 8pm to eat dinner (no eating 2 hours before yoga) but at 6:30 I wasn’t really hungry yet so I quickly changed into stretchies, grabbed my yoga mat, and headed out.

Everything worked out perfectly and I’m so happy I went! Lots of parking, I was the first one there, the group was small, the instructor awesome and welcoming. And the setting could not be nicer.

This was just what I needed. I thanked the instructor so much for offering this class as it’s just what my mind, body, and spirit needed. She gave me a big warm hug and said she hoped to see me again. I’ll definitely be going back next week. Fingers crossed for good weather. But wow, am I sore today. Good sore though.

Wonderful environment for yoga

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2012 in Life

 

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Darkness

Each day I awake with the gift of new possibilities. And each day I squander the potential.

Some days I wake yet I’m in darkness and the dark stays with me until I fall asleep.

Some days I wake into the bright light and remain somewhat light. An unexpected lunch with my cousin. An invitation to a graduation. I enjoy the light so yet somehow let myself fall back into the darkness afterward.

A friend reached out to me and I reached back.

She said sometimes people put up barriers to keep people out. But that sometimes the barrier is put up to see who cares enough to break thru it. She broke the barrier and we had a wonderful day where we were both bathed in the glowing light of friendship and community.

Yet here I am in darkness again. Every day sinking further.

I’m angry with myself that my despair, this melancholy mood, is causing me to make bad choices. I am determined to not throw away my health and my life like my father did, yet are the choices I’m making any better? Not really. So why am I doing this to myself?

This needs to stop.

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2012 in Life

 

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Step by step

So it’s Monday again and we all know what that means. D-day. All diets start on Mondays, yeah? It’s been about a month since I’ve had my act together, almost to the day, but I’m trying very hard to put it all behind me and start anew. Again.

To recap the weekend, I did not do the Annapolis 1 mile challenge, nor did I do the .05k. Kind of pissed at myself about the latter, but I just wasn’t in the mood to go to all the trouble to act silly for 45 seconds all by myself. Yes, I understand the total lack of logic in that decision. It was less than 1 minute, it wouldn’t kill me, but I just couldn’t make it important enough in my head to get out of bed and make the effort.

In fact I was pretty pissy most of the morning and into the afternoon. Jay and I went shopping for a few things and while I was out a friend texted to say she had missed me at knitting. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed for that either. That’s when I realized that I had actually been out drinking 2 nights in a row, was sleep deprived, and it was no wonder I was so crabby. Just one drink on Wednesday night then the long, late night with the old friend on Thursday. Thursday night was so bizarre that I had apparently totally forgotten about Wednesday night. Really bizarre.

Sunday I knitted with another friend so it was a relaxing afternoon. On the way home I stopped by Trader Joe’s to stock up on all sorts of good healthy stuff for the fridge and pantry so I’d have no excuse to run out for coffee, lunch, snacks or anything. Somehow I totally forgot olive oil which was the first item on my list. Ugh I hate it when I do that.

It has come to my attention that this year’s weight loss focus has been mostly unfocused. Sure for the most part I was sticking to under 1,600 calories per day, but the quality of what I was eating was not the best it could be. So today I concentrated on eating very intuitively and making better choices with the good stuff I got from TJ’s. I did have my usual oatmeal for breakfast but cut down on the brown sugar and olivio a bit to save some calories.

Another thing I had been doing is eating way too late at night. I’d skimp on calories for breakfast and lunch so I could eat a big dinner and a hearty snack between 9 and 10pm. Well that’s ending today. I had my oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, a great sandwich with veggies for lunch, spaghetti and veggies for dinner and then a few small York peppermint patties for dessert. And felt totally satisfied and happy with that.

Tonight I had band. It’s the first day of the new semester which means removing all the music from the folders, organizing it, and putting new music into all the folders. This process always involves a pizza party to lure us to show up to help with this boring task. I’m very proud of myself for not indulging in any of that. Just a tiny glass of Diet Coke while I stayed focused on organizing music.

So all in all a pretty good day. Work wasn’t too disappointing but it’s an off week for me so it will be slightly boring. It rained cats and dogs all day so I didn’t make it outside for a walk. Hoping for clear skies Tuesday or Wednesday morning so I can walk to the library to return a book. Oh, they’ve closed the walking path I usually take to the library (repairs or something) so I’ll have to walk in the street which kind of bites.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I hope it will be as good as today.  Enjoy your Tuesday!

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2012 in Life, losing weight

 

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The grueling .05k

I didn’t get out for a walk this morning. I walked from my bed to the car and drove straight to Starbucks for a great big coffee. Last night I met up with an old friend I haven’t seen since high school. He’s in town for business so we met for a few drinks. I had intended to have one glass of wine but it tasted really good so I had another and before I knew it, it was 1am. By the time my adrenaline settled after getting home it was after 2am so I’m super tired today. It’s such a nice day though that I’m hoping to walk after work.

Tomorrow is the Annapolis One Mile Challenge. Last year I walked it, was in constant shin splint pain the entire time, and came in last place. I know, I know, it’s about finishing and not about the numbers.

For the past year my goal has been to run it. I’m not going, obviously. A little bummed about how things turned out with that goal, but it is what it is. We’ve been over this a million times. Plus I’m not ready to run into the running club weirdo guy just yet.

Jay is working the run (traffic control) so I’ll either sleep in or go to knitting. The Eastport bridge run is a few hours later and I’m kind of undecided about that one. It’s a .05k. Seriously. It’s the one run I can manage to do and it’s so silly that I bet it’s a lot of fun. Jay and I were going to run it together but he’s backed out in favor of working that day. So now I’m not sure if I’ll go at all now. Part of the fun would be to be silly with someone else. It will literally take no more than 40 seconds to run the entire span of the bridge but everyone, apparently, acts like it’s totally serious and grueling. I love goofy stuff like that. Times like this I wish Renee was here so we could go to it and act like morons together. Silly loves company.

I don’t know. Maybe I will go by myself after all. I’d have to walk downtown to register (no pre-registration on this one) then wait around for 2 hours for the race, run it, then walk home. That would be about 4 miles of walking which is totally fine but the waiting would kind of suck. I could probably find a shady spot to read a book in between. Hmmm I think I may have talked myself into it……

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2012 in Life, Running

 

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Time to throw in the towel?

It’s kind of amazing how I have to drag myself out of bed to get a workout in before work but then half way through it I somehow find the energy to get it done and feel good afterward.

Now if my body would just cooperate I’d be a happy camper. I’m not going to have much to say about running or anything if that doesn’t start to fall into line.

After Tuesday’s fairly good run I thought for sure I’d sign up for the Annapolis 1-mile run. Later that same day is the Eastport Bridge “run” and I had intended to do that as well. But after today’s super crappy run I’m starting to rethink this whole thing. I’ve just about reached the end of my rope with this and have to make a hard decision.

Basically I did the same as Tuesday. Walked slowly for about a mile, maybe a little less. Stopped for a good 3-5 minutes to stretch everything out really well, walked to the top of the last hill, reset my timer, queued up my theme song on my iPod (Hell Yeah by Rev Theory followed by Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga) and ran for it.

The first run was great. It felt good, I ran farther than ever, the stopped when my thighs couldn’t take anymore. Shins felt pretty good despite the fact that they were feeling a little splinty during the walk. Ran again shortly thereafter and didn’t go quite as far as I had hoped but soon after the voice in my ear said time elapsed 2.5 minutes for .2 miles. Beautiful. This inspired me to run again and the pain started to set in so I slowed to a walk, stopped to stretch a bit, then tried again but just couldn’t do it. Ugh.

Basically I limped to my usual resting/stretching spot and stretched for about 5 minutes. Walked the rest of the track and home without any pain but didn’t try to run again as I knew it would just hurt and aggravate the hell out of me again and there was no way I was going to cry in front of the cops again 🙂

As I walked home, pissed as hell, I decided that I’ve got to make a decision here. Do I just stick to walking and horrid in-home DVDs and try again after I’ve lost another 20 pounds? I don’t see how losing more weight will help with this though since I’ve had shinsplints since I was 15 years old and in good physical shape. But I’m just not sure what to do.

When I got home I got the idea that maybe I could hire a personal running trainer for a few sessions so he or she can evaluate my form, observe what I’m doing, maybe make some helpful suggestions. Whilst researching that I found a local running group that’s offering a beginning running program starting next week so maybe I’ll join that. I had intended to join the program at my local Fleet Feet but it started while I was home for my dad’s funeral so I missed out. Plus I don’t really find the folks at the running stores to be that helpful as they just want to sell me stuff.

So some decisions to be made here….

 

 
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Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Life, Running, weight loss

 

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The good the bad and the succotash

Woke up at 8:30 feeling stuffy and headachy but I got up anyway and found that the Easter bunny had been here (now I know the source of that off rattling I heard at about 2am).

Grabbed a (tiny) handful of jelly beans (the breakfast of champions, ya know), got dressed, and headed out. Walked to the track and began running on the grass. It’s far too uneven though and my hip started to hurt so I ran back to the paved trail and all the way to the corner which is really great. I see progress there. Walked for just a minute or so to catch my breath and ran again and it wasn’t bad. One more quick break before I ran across a flat grassy area and farther than I thought I would. I started to feel splinty here so I walked for just a short while and ran again, partly up hill.

I probably should have stopped after the grassy run as I was in a bit of pain, but wasn’t satisfied with just the 4 runs. Plus it looked like I was on track to finish the mile in less than 16 minutes.  So I ran when I got to the brick paver section of the track but only made it about ¾ of the way before it hurt too much and I was too tired so I stopped to stretch. Right there the voice in my ear said .8 miles in 14 minutes but it hurt too bad to run anymore so I walked slowly the rest of the way. So slow that the old guy walking his dog (who I passed at the beginning of this workout) blasted past me. Ugh.

It took me almost 19 minutes to “run” (ha) a mile which is horrible. That’s longer than it took me to walk the Annapolis 1 Mile challenge last May when I didn’t run at all! Urghhh. I’m finding this process exceedingly frustrating. There are times when I feel like I’m making real progress then I have a week like this past week where I’m in pain and my times suck.

So I’m just trying to look at the positive in that, cumulatively, I probably ran more than I ever have and the breaks in between running are getting shorter. I need to focus on the progress I AM seeing and that whole glass half full (is there really no other analogy we can use here? I’m open to suggestions) thing and just keep working on this. I do believe I’m getting stronger every day.

I give myself credit for getting out of bed this morning as well as sticking with it this long. I haven’t been so dedicated/committed to anything since I joined the fife & drum corps way back in 1983. And definitely not anything so out of character.

Today I’m scheduled to work several hours so Jay and I are just hanging around at home, me with frozen mixed veggies on my shins again. I think I have a break around 2pm so I’m planning to see if Target is open. I need to get some heavier free weights for my Firm workouts.

Get used to this picture. You’re gonna see it a lot.

Later tonight we’re making smoked pork chops, potatoes or rice (not sure yet) and asparagus. And of course that delicious whoopie pie. I hope it’s delicious anyway. I bought it on Thursday and it’s looking a bit shriveled.

 

 
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Posted by on April 8, 2012 in Life, Running

 

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Busting my hump for a whoopie pie

After Thursday’s sucky shin splinty run, I decided to rest today. It was nice to sleep in a bit and lounge around in bed until I was good and ready to get up. I skipped knitting group, snuggled with kittybaby until around 10, then got up and decided to get to the garden center. Jay and I have been cleaning up the hideous garden beds in the front yard (from previous owner(s)) and improve the curb appeal of the house. Fortunately we’ve done this many times before so we know what we’re doing.

Here’s the main landscape bed before. Hideous monstrosity of random foliage, awful shape, and a mishmash of edging bricks.

Last weekend we dug all of that out, moved the rocks elsewhere, got rid of the ugly pink bricks and cut out the new shape. Today we bought and planted a weeping cherry tree in the center. I’ve always wanted a flowering tree, specifically a weeping cherry, so I’m happy to have finally gotten one. Unfortunately it’s already done blooming for the year, but gives us something to look forward to next spring. I worked the system a bit and mentioned that a weeping tree would be nice in honor of my dad and Jay agreed. Yay for being dramatic.

Anyway, here’s the after pic. Too much sunlight but you get the idea.

Oh, and Jay totally backed into an entire pallet of sod at gardenland and scraped up the side of his car. It was hilarious. I regret not getting it on video but it happened so quickly I could only stand there and laugh.

We’re still trying to decide what to plant around the tree. I had planned concentric circles of rudbeckia & purple coneflower closest to the tree, annuals in the middle ring, and then fill in the outer section with creeping phlox, but Jay got all weird at the garden center and suggested something totally different so we just got the tree and a few new shrubs (golden euonymous) for the other landscape bed below. I’ll figure out something later this week. I’d like to get everything planted next Saturday/Sunday and mulched in.

Need some annuals in front and then this will be done.

I feel zero guilt about not working out at all today, especially since I busted my hump doing yardwork for a few hours. Tomorrow I’m planning to get back out for a run and hope that my shinsplints are improved. I really thought I had those under control. Going to try heading directly to the track with just a short warm up, then run on the grass again and hope for the best.

The scale is moving downward finally so I’m happy about that. My clothes have been fitting better as well which is a good indicator of shrinkage, but it’s good to see the proof in the numbers. Tomorrow I need to take in the waistline of two pairs of shorts I bought last month that are already getting too large. I really should get a belt to solve that problem.

I bought a tiny whoopie pie at the Amish market while I was shopping for Easter dinner supplies. I’m realllllly looking forward to eating it tomorrow. 🙂

 
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Posted by on April 7, 2012 in Life, Running

 

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