Tag Archives: intuitive eating

Namaste, indeed.

Feels like I’m slowly climbing up from the darkness. The weather here has been wonderful for about a week, low to mid-70s during the day, 50s at night, so I think that has helped.

It’s been really hard but I’ve managed to keep my eating under control for 3 days. Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s been fairly bad for about 6 weeks now. Monday night I was super hungry after 10pm and I almost caved in and snacked but I’m trying really hard to not eat at night before bed.

Monday I got up early and walked. Yesterday I couldn’t manage to pull myself out of bed to walk, but late in the afternoon I learned about a free yoga class on the bank of a nearby river which sounded awesome. I love yoga but don’t do it often as 1. I prefer to go to a class where someone else decides what poses to do so I don’t have to think; and 2. practicing at a studio is super expensive.

I wasn’t sure if I could hold out until 8pm to eat dinner (no eating 2 hours before yoga) but at 6:30 I wasn’t really hungry yet so I quickly changed into stretchies, grabbed my yoga mat, and headed out.

Everything worked out perfectly and I’m so happy I went! Lots of parking, I was the first one there, the group was small, the instructor awesome and welcoming. And the setting could not be nicer.

This was just what I needed. I thanked the instructor so much for offering this class as it’s just what my mind, body, and spirit needed. She gave me a big warm hug and said she hoped to see me again. I’ll definitely be going back next week. Fingers crossed for good weather. But wow, am I sore today. Good sore though.

Wonderful environment for yoga

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Posted by on June 6, 2012 in Life


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Weekend update

The lights parade was amazing. It was much better attended than last year when it was drizzly and it easy to get a spot along the route. This year we ended up walking downtown (now that we live closer) so the walk warmed us up. We stood by the water in town then walked about a half mile up the road to view from the bridge. The drawbridge opened for about 30 minutes to let the boats switch sides and it was great. This is definitely my favorite event of the year.

It was a bit chilly up on the bridge though so when we had our fill of watching we stopped at the Starbucks to get some hot coffee but there were like 30 people in line. The other 2 coffee shops in town were similarly jammed so we started walking home. We stopped at Jimmy John’s for sandwiches then a few minutes later Jay snagged a cab home. It’s only about a mile but we were tired and cold at that point (and home is uphill LOL) so I was happy to ride. We ended up making coffee at home. Jay found some holiday spirit and added the string of multi-colored lights I bought to our tree. It looks good.

Sunday was the band concert.  I’ve never been so ill-prepared for a show, but it turned out all right. Just one song was a bit iffy. I really should practice more outside of class. Maybe if we had better music I would have. I wasn’t wild about the songs this semester.

That said, I’ve decided to give the band another semester. I spoke with the Queen Bee and the director 2 weeks ago who both agreed that this is a community band and everyone who wants a shot at playing piccolo should get one. He then said that he’ll have to hear me play first though which is ridiculous seeing as how one of the gals playing now is horrible and he’s already heard that I’m better than her. But whatever. I’m not going to go all Amadeus on them and will audition if I need to. I’m not holding my breath that it will all work out but I’m going to give it another chance.

Starting the week off on a bad note. Last night I went to bed early and listened to an audiobook while I fell asleep. About 2 hours later I had a horrible nightmare. The worst ever. Like so bad I don’t want to go into too much detail. I’ve had bad dreams before that set the tone for the next day but I never woke up screaming before. Jay had fallen asleep on the couch and came running when he heard me. I cried and cried for about an hour and didn’t settle back to sleep until about 2:30.  I’m thinking it’s all the stress I’m experiencing from work, home, guilt about not going home, etc. It’s going to be a long day.

Good news weight-wise though – I’m now only about 3 pounds up as a result of my quarter of indulgence. I’ve been right on track (but still not exercising as much as I should) so not bad at all. What is interesting though is learning how much I can indulge and not exercise and the net result of that on my weight. It doesn’t have nearly as much impact as I’ve always thought. It helps to have learned this lesson now as it’s making it easier to move forward toward my goal weight and not stressing as much about maintaining it.

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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Life


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Whew that was close – Bonus blog!

Whew! I just averted a big time binge. On top of all the other home-related shit going on, now our frigging roof is leaking. It’s been raining non-stop for like 3 days so I’m not surprised that something with water leakage happened. I’m sick to death of it though. I’m already having nightly nightmares about leaky roofs and walls and now another god damn leak. WTF. I’m so pissed.

Then Jay came home and I had to listen to his rant about not being able to take anymore and wanting to move. Dammit we just moved here in May. This kind of shit happens. I understand that and don’t like it any more than he does, but we cannot friggin’ move again. Ugh. Makes me sick just thinking about it.

Of course my first instinct was to eat. A lot. There’s a bag of Doritos on the counter calling my name. As is the local Thai place. Or maybe some fried chicken. Eff the fact that I have only 500 calories left for the day…….

But then I stepped back and read my favorite blog and the feeling passed. I’m eating some decadent oatmeal with peanut butter and caramel sauce, but it’s well within those 500 calories I had left so all is well.

It really does take a village. Not just to raise kids, but to just get thru life.  If you don’t have support from those in your life, or that support is not enough, I highly recommend checking out the forums and blogs on and individual blogs from those going thru the same life challenges.

You’ll find some of my favorites in my Blogroll on the right side of my blog. My favorite blog and the one that saved my bacon tonight is Runs For Cookies.

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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in Life


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Catching up

Wow, so it’s been a few days. I’ve had a lot going on so lots to say, just not a lot of time to say it.

I worked Thanksgiving day (my 2nd job) but scheduled myself off until December 5th. I’m burned out on working weekends and having to tell my husband “can’t, I’m working” so I decided to take the week after Thanksgiving off and most weekends until January. I’ll miss the money but I’ve been working so much I could really use the break.

During that time off I celebrated my birthday. A birthday week  of too much indulging so I’m still up about 5 pounds but working on getting that 5 pounds off by the end of the year. Plus another 40-50.

I’m back to trying to eat intuitively, watching my calories, and trying to eat more protein. Basically make better choices. I’m also going to allow myself a few hundred more calories on days when I feel especially starved. Over the past few weeks of trying to get back on track, I’ve noticed a pattern of noticing hunger, realizing I don’t have enough calories to keep myself satisfied, and then bingeing as a result. Just saying F it and chowing down on whatever I want (which is good) but in totally disproportionate amounts (not good).

So I’m still trying to stick to the 1,200-1,500 that SparkPeople recommends, but if I need to have 1,600 or 1,700 one day, I’m going to honor my hunger and see what happens. I don’t foresee many roadblocks like birthdays and parties to throw me off either. I do have a party on the 17th, but I don’t tend to get out of control at that one so I think it’ll be OK. There are usually some healthy options there so I’m not too worried.

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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in Life


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More “learnings”

OK so that word – “learnings” – it’s one of those words that annoys the PISS out of me. It’s not a noun. Please don’t try to make a noun out of a verb. It really disturbs me to hear this term thrown around at work by intelligent, educated people for whom I have a great deal of respect. It just sounds ridiculous. Please just say “lessons learned”.

You may ask “Why did you title your blog post with such an offensive word?”  Well because I find it amusing to use incorrect words from time to time. My friend Renee and I are nuts and get a kick out of communicating using words that people misuse or mispronounce just for kicks. Words such as irregardless, learnings, saying pellows and melk rather than pillows and milk. That kind of thing. We are easily amused.

So anyway, there is a point to this post and it is that I have more learnings, er lessons learned, observations to share:

I’ve said a million times before that I believe calories are calories and my intent is to consume between 1,200 and 1,600 of them each day regardless of their source. For example, eat nothing but Doritos every day as long as you don’t exceed 1,600 calories in total. Or eat nothing but oranges and chocolate as long as it doesn’t exceed the maximum for the day. A calorie is a calorie in my eyes.

Although I do believe that, I have found over the last week that eating less processed and refined foods really does keep me more satisfied and my cravings better controlled than when I eat more processed foods. I believe the latter is why I’ve had such a hard time getting back on track after the past two months of indulgence. I’ve been doing great for exactly one week now and feel like I’m back on track for getting this remaining 40 pounds (or more, we’ll see once I get there) off by summer.

Last Sunday I reviewed my SparkPeople nutrition trackers from January to see what I was doing back then that was so successful. When I began this journey, I was eating more whole foods. Specifically, more chicken breasts, brown rice, and just a little bit of satisfying sweets every night. I was very satisfied and never ravenously hungry. Compare that with the last few months where I started sneaking more processed things into the mix. I find myself hungry much more often, especially at night, and often consume more sweets and chips. All within my calorie range for the day, but more nonetheless.

Over the past week I added more chicken breast back in and made up a huge pot of brown rice (frozen in single serving baggies for easy reheating). I’ve also gone back to having one or two York Peppermint Patties or Dove Promises in the evening to satisfy my sweets cravings. And I’ve found that I’m much more satisfied and not nearly as hungry between meals as I’ve recently become.

So that’s good news! I feel like I’m well on my way to getting things back under control which is a good thing. Especially with the holidays coming (food temptations and all). At this point I’m up only 3 pounds from the 40 pound loss. I’m hoping to lose that and a bit more by January 1st. If not, I’m still 40-ish pounds lighter than the same time last year and that’s a great feeling.

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Posted by on November 21, 2011 in Life


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But I live in a small town

Just realized that I forgot to mention the 2nd smalltown weirdness from this past weekend.

So while we were priming the sunroom walls on Saturday evening, the next door neighbor (Jenny) came over to let us know that they had the firepit going and that we were welcome to come over and have some beers with them. I was scheduled to work from 7-midnight but it’s all computer work so I brought my laptop over there to keep tabs on my websites every few minutes. I felt like a total dork, but I explained that I was scheduled to work and everyone was like cool whatever.

Until more people showed up and I felt more self-conscious about it which led to me actually feeling bad about myself. This all spun into Jay and I going home at about 10pm (for various reasons) and then a whole lot of overeating. Ugh. My body image is really bad this week and my eating is totally out of control. I HAVE to get back on track this week. I will NOT gain back any more of the weight I spent 9 months losing.

So what happened?

Well, more neighbors stopped by and the 20 questions started again. Where do you live, how do you like it, do you have kids, are you gonna have kids, you should have kids, do you have a dog, you should get a dog, do you have a boat, you need to get a boat, what are all the home improvement people doing in there, did you not like it, can we see it, blah blah blah. Ugh.

One gal apparently didn’t remember my name so she got my attention and asked why I had my computer with me. I explained that I work for xyz company and I was monitoring some websites. Again, everyone was cool about it. But then a little later 2 of the gals started referring to my as xyz and rather than saying hey my name is xxxxx not xyz, I just let them call me xyz.

Then before I knew it I  felt like the outsider looking in. The new girl in town who was born here, didn’t grow up here, was not part of this circle of friends since high school. I felt left out. Different. Unwanted.

And then the negative self-talk kicked in. They’re all thin, are they making fun of me, are they mocking me, they’re making fun of me, they think I’m fat and ugly, they’re mocking me, they don’t want me here. I don’t belong here.

Sometimes it feels like simple things, such as conversing with new people, that should be easy are just too damn hard. Like it’s some sort of game of oneupmanship, like one has something to prove. It’s really rather exhausting.

Add to it that the past week I had been feeling  a bit down. Missing my family and friends back home. Sad that I don’t really have any good friends here. Well, that’s not completely true. I have a few friends but most live about 30 miles away, so no one I could just call and say hey wanna see a movie or let’s have coffee. No one I have history with. I was already in a state of meh and thought going to the bonfire would help perk me up. It did for a while, but then it got all weird and I didn’t make a stand.

But then, why do “I” have to make the stand? Couldn’t Chris (yes I remembered her name) have said oh hey I’m sorry I forgot your name.

I wish I was faster at thinking on my feet and not so worried about what people think of me because now in retrospect I’m SO pissed that I didn’t take control, stop the xyz thing right away, get the upper hand. The mature adult thing to do would be to just say hey this is my name and it would have been totally cool. Why was I so worried that it would be unacceptable to correct her? Very similar to the situation last week with Mr. Piccolo. I could have stopped his rude behavior and taught the little punk that such disparaging talk is unappreciated and immature but I didn’t. And on Saturday I could have just quickly corrected her and stopped it but didn’t for whatever reason.

I need to figure out what that reason is because it’s not something I want to keep repeating week after week.

So back to Saturday…. even in the dark, Jay could sense something in my demeanor had changed. I was having fun, even with the computer holding my attention somewhat, until they asked me to take a group picture of Jenny and her 3 friends. He noticed that I had become distracted and quiet and suggested that we go home and I was glad to go.

Sunday I got up early and painted the sunroom like a madwoman. I’m good at painting and I have a good eye for design and color and the sunroom looks great. I was still a bit sad so I went for a drive to find the new knitting store that recently opened. I managed to get there without getting lost but found the store overpriced and uninspiring and they didn’t have what I was looking for. My favorite fried chicken place was next door though so I got some chicken tenders which I gobbled up on the ride home (along with a Twix) and disposed of the container so Jay wouldn’t see the evidence of my chicken extravaganza.

Ugh. This is bad. But now that the contractors are done and I’m not having to wait for them every morning, I’m getting back to my morning walks. I want to lose the 6 pounds I’ve gained over the past few weeks back off by the end of the year. I don’t have any holiday parties or events (we’re not going home for the holidays this year unless my mom says I need to get home for my dad) standing in my way so there’s no reason or excuse for not getting back on track.

I Love Me – Well, I just can’t think of anything today. I’m disgusted with my eating and my reactions to uncomfortable situations last week so I’m not really loving myself today.

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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Life


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Almost there

Yesterday was a long, stressful day. No wonder I totally forgot to blog. Ooops! Well, I’m back now so here’s what’s new:

Home improvement – The contractors didn’t show up. They said on Tuesday “see ya tomorrow” on their way out so there I was, showered, dressed, ready at 7:30 am, cats in the basement. And we waited. And waited. Finally at noon I called the office and they said oh yeah they’re not scheduled to come out today. Grrrr. At 4pm I called to find out if they were coming back today and to bitch about the fact that no one called to let me know they weren’t on schedule for Wednesday. Hoping that doesn’t happen again. Thankfully we’re very close to being done with this. I think anyway. Also thankfully, the contractors for the installation of our new screen door showed up on time and got that sucker installed in 55 minutes. Amazing.

Dad – Part of my stressful day as my mom seems frantic thinking he’s going to drop dead at any minute so she’s got me all on edge. Again, I feel bad that I don’t have much to say about this, but my relationship with him is what it is and I don’t see that changing.

Jay’s car – Today is the last day the insurance company will pay for the rental but we haven’t heard from the body shop if his car is ready to bring home. I’m amazed that Jay took it there after the huge fiasco with my car repairs over the summer, but the place is conveniently close to home and we’re new here so we really don’t know of a better place. Hopefully it will be ready today and that stressful mess will be behind us.

Diet – That is what it is right now too. I do great for a few days then totally blow it. It’s stress eating for sure. An addiction. When I found out we weren’t on the schedule for construction yesterday my first instinct was to eat . In my brain’s defense, it was lunchtime and I was super hungry. So I ate a Lean Cuisine that was good and filling. Still I was pissed and when I was ravenous again 2 hours later I stuffed myself with pierogies and some cheese.  Halfway thru I was full but ate them all anyway. Ugh.

Today I’m just trying to eat intuitively without counting calories. Tonight we have a party for new subscribers to the local symphony. Cocktails and light food (whatever that means) that I’m looking forward to. I’m not really into that kind of thing but it’s at the house of one of the big time donors and I just want to get into their mansion. LOL.  I’ll let y’all know how it went tomorrow.



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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Life


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