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Namaste, indeed.

Feels like I’m slowly climbing up from the darkness. The weather here has been wonderful for about a week, low to mid-70s during the day, 50s at night, so I think that has helped.

It’s been really hard but I’ve managed to keep my eating under control for 3 days. Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s been fairly bad for about 6 weeks now. Monday night I was super hungry after 10pm and I almost caved in and snacked but I’m trying really hard to not eat at night before bed.

Monday I got up early and walked. Yesterday I couldn’t manage to pull myself out of bed to walk, but late in the afternoon I learned about a free yoga class on the bank of a nearby river which sounded awesome. I love yoga but don’t do it often as 1. I prefer to go to a class where someone else decides what poses to do so I don’t have to think; and 2. practicing at a studio is super expensive.

I wasn’t sure if I could hold out until 8pm to eat dinner (no eating 2 hours before yoga) but at 6:30 I wasn’t really hungry yet so I quickly changed into stretchies, grabbed my yoga mat, and headed out.

Everything worked out perfectly and I’m so happy I went! Lots of parking, I was the first one there, the group was small, the instructor awesome and welcoming. And the setting could not be nicer.

This was just what I needed. I thanked the instructor so much for offering this class as it’s just what my mind, body, and spirit needed. She gave me a big warm hug and said she hoped to see me again. I’ll definitely be going back next week. Fingers crossed for good weather. But wow, am I sore today. Good sore though.

Wonderful environment for yoga

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2012 in Life

 

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Step by step

So it’s Monday again and we all know what that means. D-day. All diets start on Mondays, yeah? It’s been about a month since I’ve had my act together, almost to the day, but I’m trying very hard to put it all behind me and start anew. Again.

To recap the weekend, I did not do the Annapolis 1 mile challenge, nor did I do the .05k. Kind of pissed at myself about the latter, but I just wasn’t in the mood to go to all the trouble to act silly for 45 seconds all by myself. Yes, I understand the total lack of logic in that decision. It was less than 1 minute, it wouldn’t kill me, but I just couldn’t make it important enough in my head to get out of bed and make the effort.

In fact I was pretty pissy most of the morning and into the afternoon. Jay and I went shopping for a few things and while I was out a friend texted to say she had missed me at knitting. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed for that either. That’s when I realized that I had actually been out drinking 2 nights in a row, was sleep deprived, and it was no wonder I was so crabby. Just one drink on Wednesday night then the long, late night with the old friend on Thursday. Thursday night was so bizarre that I had apparently totally forgotten about Wednesday night. Really bizarre.

Sunday I knitted with another friend so it was a relaxing afternoon. On the way home I stopped by Trader Joe’s to stock up on all sorts of good healthy stuff for the fridge and pantry so I’d have no excuse to run out for coffee, lunch, snacks or anything. Somehow I totally forgot olive oil which was the first item on my list. Ugh I hate it when I do that.

It has come to my attention that this year’s weight loss focus has been mostly unfocused. Sure for the most part I was sticking to under 1,600 calories per day, but the quality of what I was eating was not the best it could be. So today I concentrated on eating very intuitively and making better choices with the good stuff I got from TJ’s. I did have my usual oatmeal for breakfast but cut down on the brown sugar and olivio a bit to save some calories.

Another thing I had been doing is eating way too late at night. I’d skimp on calories for breakfast and lunch so I could eat a big dinner and a hearty snack between 9 and 10pm. Well that’s ending today. I had my oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, a great sandwich with veggies for lunch, spaghetti and veggies for dinner and then a few small York peppermint patties for dessert. And felt totally satisfied and happy with that.

Tonight I had band. It’s the first day of the new semester which means removing all the music from the folders, organizing it, and putting new music into all the folders. This process always involves a pizza party to lure us to show up to help with this boring task. I’m very proud of myself for not indulging in any of that. Just a tiny glass of Diet Coke while I stayed focused on organizing music.

So all in all a pretty good day. Work wasn’t too disappointing but it’s an off week for me so it will be slightly boring. It rained cats and dogs all day so I didn’t make it outside for a walk. Hoping for clear skies Tuesday or Wednesday morning so I can walk to the library to return a book. Oh, they’ve closed the walking path I usually take to the library (repairs or something) so I’ll have to walk in the street which kind of bites.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I hope it will be as good as today.  Enjoy your Tuesday!

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2012 in Life, losing weight

 

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The grueling .05k

I didn’t get out for a walk this morning. I walked from my bed to the car and drove straight to Starbucks for a great big coffee. Last night I met up with an old friend I haven’t seen since high school. He’s in town for business so we met for a few drinks. I had intended to have one glass of wine but it tasted really good so I had another and before I knew it, it was 1am. By the time my adrenaline settled after getting home it was after 2am so I’m super tired today. It’s such a nice day though that I’m hoping to walk after work.

Tomorrow is the Annapolis One Mile Challenge. Last year I walked it, was in constant shin splint pain the entire time, and came in last place. I know, I know, it’s about finishing and not about the numbers.

For the past year my goal has been to run it. I’m not going, obviously. A little bummed about how things turned out with that goal, but it is what it is. We’ve been over this a million times. Plus I’m not ready to run into the running club weirdo guy just yet.

Jay is working the run (traffic control) so I’ll either sleep in or go to knitting. The Eastport bridge run is a few hours later and I’m kind of undecided about that one. It’s a .05k. Seriously. It’s the one run I can manage to do and it’s so silly that I bet it’s a lot of fun. Jay and I were going to run it together but he’s backed out in favor of working that day. So now I’m not sure if I’ll go at all now. Part of the fun would be to be silly with someone else. It will literally take no more than 40 seconds to run the entire span of the bridge but everyone, apparently, acts like it’s totally serious and grueling. I love goofy stuff like that. Times like this I wish Renee was here so we could go to it and act like morons together. Silly loves company.

I don’t know. Maybe I will go by myself after all. I’d have to walk downtown to register (no pre-registration on this one) then wait around for 2 hours for the race, run it, then walk home. That would be about 4 miles of walking which is totally fine but the waiting would kind of suck. I could probably find a shady spot to read a book in between. Hmmm I think I may have talked myself into it……

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2012 in Life, Running

 

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The Tin Woman Rises

This morning I managed to drag my butt out of bed and go for a walk. Since my last blog entry I’ve done nothing in the way of self-care so this is a step in the right direction. Not saying I’m going to jump out of bed and do it again tomorrow, but I literally plunked my ass on the couch since my last “run” and have done nothing since.

Last month I went home to Michigan to bury my dad. I had intended to keep up with the running there and brought all my workout stuff with me, but in the midst of more funeral and mom drama, I did nothing. And the nothing continued until today.

I’ve learned that I’m either not mentally/emotionally strong enough or just in my own damn head too much to deal with everything life has thrown at me this year. Life’s trials have always tended to derail me, but as I get older, and everyone around me gets older, the trials become more significant and they totally weigh me down.

When I was in Michigan we had the burial, then I visited my aunt (my mom’s sister) who has brain cancer as I’m not sure I’ll see her again. I didn’t get enough time with Renee. We usually have a sleepover and stay up most of the night knitting and talking and giggling but mom was weirded out being alone in the house with my uncle so I just went over to Renee’s for a few hours so not enough recharging of my batteries.

The trip home was not too traumatic but the day after I got home Jay flew back out to see his dad. No one told us he had been in the hospital for a month so he flew out there to look into things. That’s a whole other drama that I won’t go into, but will involve lots of trips home and lots of family drama and legal bills.

Finally work is just not all that great lately. Lots of changes in the last 2 months or so and lots of change on the horizon. I really hate to think about starting over but I’m not at all happy with the way things have changed with my position so I need to make some tough decisions about what I want to do. I don’t want to go, but not sure if I want to stay. Now is probably not the best time to be making a big decision like that though so I’m still in the thinking stages. I’m hoping things improve and the powers that be start remembering that I’m out here and realize I can help and the decision will be made for me.

I really need to get out of my head, out of the past and the anger about so many things. Get out of the fear of what’s going to happen next and just live every minute.

So I walked this morning. And that’s all I can do right now. I’m not going to even try to run or push myself too hard. Hell, my knees actually started to feel all rusty, like the Tin Man, and my foot hurts for no apparent reason. How it could hurt when the only physical things I’ve done for a month is grocery shopping and laundry is totally beyond me. But I don’t like it. I’m up a few pounds, I don’t feel good, and it’s still a struggle to just get out of bed every day, let alone do something productive.

Tomorrow I hope to feel motivated enough to get up and get outside again for a little movement. I do feel better just from the 30 minutes of activity, the fresh air, and the bit of vitamin D I absorbed. But no grand goals for now. I’d like to just get out and move and of course lose the 10 pounds or so I gained back but I’m not setting a date for that or any rewards. Just letting things work out on their own. No pressure. No expectations.

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2012 in Life, losing weight, Rants, Running

 

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No more slacking!

The weather here has been beautiful so I’ve been out enjoying it and not so much computer and blogging.  Thursday’s creepy guy episode didn’t scare me off but I did slack just a bit due to other stuff getting in the way. Well I took Saturday off as a rest day, ran on Sunday, then took Monday off as we had more house drama so I was stuck home most of the day waiting for an electrician. The fun just never ends around here.

So after slacking on Monday, I managed to drag my butt out of bed and head out to the track. This time I walked about 3/4 of the way around then started my timing app and started the running. First one was very good and longer than usual. Second was OK but shorter. There were two guys up on a scaffold working on something and they were watching me which made me totally self-conscious so it was hard to concentrate. After a short rest I ran again briefly, then 2 more times before stopping for about 1 minute to stretch out at my usual spot.

At this point the pain was pretty bad but the lady in my ear said something about having gone .8 miles in 12 minutes which motivated me to try to run at least once more. The run after the stretch was not bad at all and I managed to get one more good uphill try in before she said I’d gone a mile. So it was 16:44 but I stopped for a full minute to stretch so I’m deducting the stretch time 🙂

So good, good time for me considering the pain and that my legs are really short. Still bummed about the pain though. Still, I’m not giving up yet. On one hand I feel like I’m not making any progress but I am running much longer and much more often than I was one month ago so I guess there’s some progress.

One thing I learned is that the volume level on my iPod is likely much too high. After the mile was up I limped up the hill and was slouched against the dog crap bag dispenser crying about the pain and didn’t even notice the cop 20 feet away from me trying to get my attention. When I finally looked up I saw her waving at me so I pulled one earbud out of my ear and heard her ask if I was OK. Yikes, that’s probably not good that I couldn’t hear her talking to me. What else is interesting is that 4 other people walked or ran by during this time but she was the only person to say anything. Interesting.

So the good is that my 1 mile time was 15:44 which is the best I’ve ever done. But kind of a fluke so I’m still not sure if I’m going to bother signing up for the 1 mile run next month. Jay has signed up to work the event so I’m going to wait til the week before and see how it goes unless I have some sort of amazing breakthrough in the next week. Also good is that I ran, however long or short, a total of 8 times today. So I suppose that’s progress too.

And no big dogs jumped on me. Have I mentioned this yet? That when I’m out the big dogs are just drawn to me and love to jump up on me and get in my face? Ugh, so annoying. Today it was just the cutest little Yorkie. He came running at me and licked my ankles so I scooped him up and hugged him. So adorable.

OK so glass half full still. Half full. Need to fill it up a little higher though.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2012 in Life, Rants, Running

 

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Maybe I’m the weirdo

Jay’s Chevy has been giving him problems so he’s been looking to replace it. Yesterday he came home with a used Nissan (with the salesman inside) and roped me into a test drive. It’s an OK car, doesn’t really knock me out, but he loved it and it was a great price.

Before I knew it, he was returning the car to the dealership with me following in my Mitsubishi. The original plan was to turn in the problematic Chevy and keep the Mitsu as it’s paid off. But the Mitsu is getting very old so it’s kind of a weird balance to strike. In the end we decided to keep the Chevy and turn in my Mitsu as they gave us a good trade in value on it.

Again, before I knew it, I was standing in the parking lot of the dealership transferring all my crap from the Mitsu into the Chevy. A big old man Chevy with the friggin shifter on the steering column. And the Sirius satellite radio expired last week.

I don’t tend to get too attached to material things like cars, but I loved that car. It felt good, it handled awesomely, and it’s the first car about which I said “I want that” and bought it. I feel like a rug has been pulled out from underneath me. It happened so quickly. Another loss in the string of losses thus far this year. Plus I missed dinner (and grocery shopping) due to spending 3 hours in the dealership (ugh, I despise car dealerships and mindless chit chat with salesmen). Props to me for stopping for a salad at Wendy’s on the way home and not binging due to being hangry and annoyed.

Everyone just seems weird to me lately. Which makes me think that the problem is with me. Know what I mean? Like if everyone in my life seems weird and off and the common denominator is me, maybe I am the problem.

My brother seems totally weird to me lately. My mom is driving me crazy with all the uncertainty about what to bury with my dad in 2 weeks and she’s been weird-ish on the phone. He has very few possessions, of which my brother and husband have asked for a few, but she wants to cram it all in the grave with dad’s ashes and slam the door. I don’t understand why anything has to go in there with him. It’s not a time capsule nor is it a trash can. Shove him in, close the door, period. But if she sticks all his stuff in there, none of the boys has any sort of remembrance of my dad. I was able to grab a few things when I was last home (not stuff they wanted) but the boys (bro, nephew, DH) got nothing. Whatever. Just another thing to either fight about when I get there or ignore the giant pink elephant in the room so no one has to have an unpleasant feeling or discussion. I’m definitely harboring some ill will from the funeral 2 months ago that I supposed I need to let out.

I guess Jay seems weird to me too about the whole car thing. Already mentioned that. And work. Work is just weird. It’s not getting any better since my old manager left. I’m out here on my little island and out of the loop. I feel like it’s time to move on but I’ve got a great gig. I work at home so I don’t have to get dressed, commute, deal with office crap, and I have tons of freedom. That part is great but the being on my own private island thing is not satisfying so I have to decide if I’m ready to give all that up.

I actually got up early (that’s what happens when you go to bed angry and sulky at 10pm) and went for a walk. I’m calling it a walk because I don’t think what I’m doing can really be called running. It’s friggin pathetic. Somehow though it lifted my mood a bit. Yes, this blog is being typed whilst in a better mood from that in which I woke so you can imagine how pissy I was 4 hours ago.

Apparently I decided waking up in a bad mood wasn’t enough so I undressed, hopped on the scale (yes I realize I’m weighing in much too often) and found the number back up to where it was 2 weeks ago. Then I got a glimpse of my big ass in the mirror and almost crawled back into bed like the groundhog crawls back into his hidey hole on February 2nd when they pull him out of his cozy spot. But I am determined (or is it stupid, I haven’t decided) to press on, so I got dressed in workout clothes and headed out.

I walked to the library to drop off a book then to the track where I ran approximately 5 times. Prior to the first run I stretched a bit then reset my distance tracking app so I could get a good read on distance and time. The first two runs were not bad at all. But 3-5 were fairly lame due to, yep you guessed it, shinsplints. The only positive is that my time was 16:50 to do the mile which included lots of (very slow) walking in between runs.

My mother always tells me “slow and steady wins the race” and I believe that perseverance and dedication equals success, but right now I’m really struggling. I feel like I’m going no where. Every day I want to give up. I don’t want to give up but, please, I just need something to move in a positive direction. And soon. If I could just have one week of everything going really well it would help in a big way.

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2012 in Life, Rants, Running

 

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The good the bad and the succotash

Woke up at 8:30 feeling stuffy and headachy but I got up anyway and found that the Easter bunny had been here (now I know the source of that off rattling I heard at about 2am).

Grabbed a (tiny) handful of jelly beans (the breakfast of champions, ya know), got dressed, and headed out. Walked to the track and began running on the grass. It’s far too uneven though and my hip started to hurt so I ran back to the paved trail and all the way to the corner which is really great. I see progress there. Walked for just a minute or so to catch my breath and ran again and it wasn’t bad. One more quick break before I ran across a flat grassy area and farther than I thought I would. I started to feel splinty here so I walked for just a short while and ran again, partly up hill.

I probably should have stopped after the grassy run as I was in a bit of pain, but wasn’t satisfied with just the 4 runs. Plus it looked like I was on track to finish the mile in less than 16 minutes.  So I ran when I got to the brick paver section of the track but only made it about ¾ of the way before it hurt too much and I was too tired so I stopped to stretch. Right there the voice in my ear said .8 miles in 14 minutes but it hurt too bad to run anymore so I walked slowly the rest of the way. So slow that the old guy walking his dog (who I passed at the beginning of this workout) blasted past me. Ugh.

It took me almost 19 minutes to “run” (ha) a mile which is horrible. That’s longer than it took me to walk the Annapolis 1 Mile challenge last May when I didn’t run at all! Urghhh. I’m finding this process exceedingly frustrating. There are times when I feel like I’m making real progress then I have a week like this past week where I’m in pain and my times suck.

So I’m just trying to look at the positive in that, cumulatively, I probably ran more than I ever have and the breaks in between running are getting shorter. I need to focus on the progress I AM seeing and that whole glass half full (is there really no other analogy we can use here? I’m open to suggestions) thing and just keep working on this. I do believe I’m getting stronger every day.

I give myself credit for getting out of bed this morning as well as sticking with it this long. I haven’t been so dedicated/committed to anything since I joined the fife & drum corps way back in 1983. And definitely not anything so out of character.

Today I’m scheduled to work several hours so Jay and I are just hanging around at home, me with frozen mixed veggies on my shins again. I think I have a break around 2pm so I’m planning to see if Target is open. I need to get some heavier free weights for my Firm workouts.

Get used to this picture. You’re gonna see it a lot.

Later tonight we’re making smoked pork chops, potatoes or rice (not sure yet) and asparagus. And of course that delicious whoopie pie. I hope it’s delicious anyway. I bought it on Thursday and it’s looking a bit shriveled.

 

 
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Posted by on April 8, 2012 in Life, Running

 

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