Stick a fork in me, I’m done.
Fuck you, running. You win. I give up. The end.
Tonight after work I went to the first session of the running clinic offered by a local running club. I’d been emailing with a few of the members over the last week to discuss how the program works, my shin splints, basic stuff.
So when I got there, one of the guys with whom I’ve been corresponding introduced himself and gave me a little rah rah pep talk. He came back about 5 minutes later for another quick chat to pump me up some more and said something like “oh you’ll be fine, it’s no pressure here, good times, yada yada yada, you’ll find lots of motivation here and you can do it.” To which I replied something like “oh yeah I know I can do it, I’m totally motivated, I just need my shins to cooperate.”
And here’s where I wish I could just say what the hell is on my mind and right at the tip of my tongue and not worry about first impressions, living in a small town, and being a people pleasing ninny.
He said “it will be OK, there’s another very large woman who sometimes comes and SHE can do it.”
I stood there, hands in fists, resisting the urge to wrap my fingers around his neck, fighting the urge to scream in his face that it’s not my SIZE holding me back, it’s my shinsplints which have been giving me problems since 1983 when I was 13 years old and in pretty damn good physical condition. Friggin’ moron.
I just mumbled something like oh yeah whatever and walked away before I blew up.
So that sort of set the tone for the rest of the class.
We walked about 3/4 of the way around the track to the bleachers where they gave us the lowdown, the pep talk, trotted out the hot guy who started running with them a few years back and just completed the Boston marathon last week.
Then we stretched a bit and ran. The track was asphalt-ish but felt kind of soft so I was hoping that would be a good thing. Unfortunately the shin splints set in after the 2nd run and I couldn’t finish. They had us doing run 1 minute, walk 2 minutes, repeat 6 times. I could only do 2.
People were generally kind and tried to be helpful, but I still ended up leaving in tears before the class was over. All of the experienced mentor members present (with the exception of that first guy) who tried to help me suggested the same types of things. That I get new shoes (I just got new shoes from Fleet Feet a month ago), rest (I’ve had the problem for years, how much rest do I need???), and physical therapy.
So that’s it. I’m done. I really don’t see the point in trying and pushing this when in less than 5 minutes of running I’m in excruciating pain. How can I ever get better when the little bit I am doing is so painful? I guess it was not meant to be.
Right now I’m so angry about all of this that I want to scream. I want to break something. I want to know WHY this simple thing cannot be. Grrr.