Tag Archives: anxiety

Not so deep thoughts

Yeah so I haven’t blogged in about a hundred years. I just don’t have the energy or brainpower to have anything useful to say so I’ve not said anything. Things here are still dark although I’m always looking up hoping to find the light again.

Three weeks ago my doctor decided I needed something to help me along and put me on a low dose of Prozac. Things were going along great. I felt so much better. Was more rested. I was actually starting to get out of bed early to exercise and had gotten my eating back on track.

Then out of the blue my extremities went numb on Friday night. Started with my left leg, then the right on Saturday. By Sunday morning both hands started to feel tingly. That’s when my mom called to inform me that my aunt (her sister) had died early Sunday morning (in Michigan) and I totally lost it.

J took me to the ER where they did a bunch of tests and pumped me full of Ativan and swapped out the prozac for lexapro. I’m feeling much better. Still a bit tingly and very stoned.

The stoned part is kind of nice. It makes everything much funnier than it should be.

For example, I’m really amused by the following that happened today:

  • I went upstairs to put some sheets in the guest room and smelled a dead mouse in the attic. So I fished him out with kleenex and tied him up in an old Rite Aid bag. Hilarious. I know it’s not hilarious, but it kind of is to me right now.
  • I figured I could use a little exercise so I walked my outgoing mail down to the mailbox a few blocks away. Got there and realized that I didn’t put a stamp on my father in law’s birthday card. He’s at a new Alzheimer’s facility. Poetic justice, irony, not sure, but pretty funny. Had to bring it back home and stamp it.

Looking forward to any other hilarious things that may happen today.

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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Life


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So much for that serenity

Well that didn’t last long. Woke up this morning with that stress lump in my throat and my heart pounding. This is not good.

I believe it actually started last night. I finally found the motivation to decorate the Christmas tree so I spent an hour or so working on that before doing some knitting. While working on the tree I could hear my pulse beating in my ears. At first I thought it was the TV.

So I think it might be one of a few things:

  1. It’s Monday and Mondays suck. I like my job though so I don’t tend to get stressed out about Mondays like a lot of people do. Still, the weekend is over and seemed to fly by so maybe it’s just wishing I had more time off. Thankfully it’s a short week and then I’m off until January 2nd.
  2. Rain is coming. I heard the weather report and it’s calling for heavy rain on Wednesday so I’m very worried about the repairs to the roof. I’m going to be pissed if the roof continues to leak but I’m also worried that a new leak is going to develop.
  3. My mother is driving me crazy! I swear people think that “working from home” means I don’t do a thing all day because they call in the middle of the day and ask what I’m doing. Helllooooo, I’m working!  Anyway, my mom is good with computers but any new gadgets stress her out, then I have to hear all about it and her stress transfers to me. My uncle sent her a Kindle last week so she’s trying to figure it out and all stressed out about it. Every time she has a question, she calls. Will it work at your brother’s house, did you know that there are 49,000 free books, how do I charge it, blah blah blah. I really have no idea as I haven’t used mine in ages and never really got that good with it.

I could wring my uncle’s neck for sending the thing as I know she gets all freaked out over new technology. Like abnormally freaked out. One year my dad bought her a new laptop and it was like the end of the world. We ended up taking it back about a week later and I seriously thought one of us was going to need hospitalization over it.

So yeah, I’m a bit stressed today…..

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Posted by on December 19, 2011 in Life


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Serenity now

I’m feeling pretty good. Looking forward to having a fun weekend, getting thru next week, and then having a good long time off for the holidays. I’m still feeling a bit down, but better than I’ve felt in a few weeks.

Yesterday I packed up the box of gifts for my family and shipped it off to Michigan. Last night I spent a few hours catching up on all the knitting shows on my DVR and enjoyed the glow from the Christmas tree. During that time I decided that I’d pull out my big bottle of Prozac and start taking them again on Sunday. I’ve just had enough of this pounding in my chest and feeling like an overtightened violin string on the verge of snapping.

Then I woke up this morning and felt fine. Odd. So maybe all I needed to do was acknowledge the anxiety and depression and that I’m ready to do something about it for it to just go away on its own. Who knows. I could freak out any minute. But at least I’ll be prepared.

Today is the holiday party for one of the bands I play in. Jay is not coming with me this year. I gave him the out last week and he took it. Part of me wishes he’d heartily say “oh yes, I’m looking forward to the party” and be happy about going. But I know sitting around with a bunch of people he barely knows is no fun for him and, therefore, not as much fun for me as I know he’s watching the clock and waiting for me to say we can leave.

So I’m going alone and I’m quite happy to do so. This way I can mingle with my friends and not have that nagging worry in the back of my brain about Jay itching to go home. Looking forward to having a good time.

Other than the party, that’s all we have planned this weekend so I’m looking forward to relaxing, cleaning the house a bit (it’s a friggin’ mess right now), and maybe putting some ornaments on the tree. Right now it’s just got a little stuffed Grinch on it.

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Posted by on December 17, 2011 in Life


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