Each day I awake with the gift of new possibilities. And each day I squander the potential.
Some days I wake yet I’m in darkness and the dark stays with me until I fall asleep.
Some days I wake into the bright light and remain somewhat light. An unexpected lunch with my cousin. An invitation to a graduation. I enjoy the light so yet somehow let myself fall back into the darkness afterward.
A friend reached out to me and I reached back.
She said sometimes people put up barriers to keep people out. But that sometimes the barrier is put up to see who cares enough to break thru it. She broke the barrier and we had a wonderful day where we were both bathed in the glowing light of friendship and community.
Yet here I am in darkness again. Every day sinking further.
I’m angry with myself that my despair, this melancholy mood, is causing me to make bad choices. I am determined to not throw away my health and my life like my father did, yet are the choices I’m making any better? Not really. So why am I doing this to myself?
This needs to stop.