Feeling much better this week and I’m really glad. It seems like I’ve hit my rock bottom as far as grief (at least until the first holiday without my dad) and I’m coming out of the grey and back into the light.
In addition to talking to my mom every day (which is not a new thing – we talk daily anyway), my best friend has been incredible. We’ve always stayed in touch but go for months without talking on the phone and just email a few times a month. We’ve been emailing daily though and talking on the phone, sometimes for hours, a few times a week. We’re supporting each other through our troubles and it’s been immensely helpful.
Yesterday I went to individual grief counseling at hospice. I didn’t get much out of it and probably won’t go back. I do feel somewhat better having reiterated the entire story of my dad’s illness, death, and my feelings of disappointment and grief with regard to the years he and my mom and the rest of him could have had with him had he not been so sick for the last eight years. So I think the venting, the support from friends, and reading some books I got from the library have been a huge help. I don’t think counseling was a waste of time, but she really didn’t say anything, just sat and listened to me vent. I guess I was expecting questions and answers and helpful hints. For $80 I can vent to myself and not have to take time off of work to do it.
One book in particular titled Death Benefits has been especially helpful. I’m not done with it nor with the exercises within the text, but what I’ve read so far has made lots of sense. More sense than any of the other 3-4 books I’ve read.
Another thing that’s helping is that I’m trying to stay really focused on my diet and exercise. I’ve been sticking to less than 1,600 calories a day and have been walking almost daily and even started back with the running program I abandoned a few weeks back. I’m still getting shinsplints but I’m trying various stretches and off day exercises to help build up those muscles so hopefully this will not plague me forever.
The run I did on Friday was pretty good actually. I warmed up at home, then walked to the track avoiding any hilly areas and made sure to walk deliberately and using short steps rather than reaching too far with my stride. When I ran I stayed on flat terrain and actually ran on the grass for the first part of the run. Of course, during the first 2 minutes I managed to pull my gluteus medias and thought I was going to die (leave it to me to pull my ass, you know??) but once I realized it was just a muscle and not my hip bone disconnected from my… well whatever other bone my hip bone is connected to… I was able to keep going. It was pretty sore Friday and most of today so I used today as a rest day. Despite that setback I’m thrilled with Friday’s run. It felt good, my form felt good, and it wasn’t excruciating. I’m actually looking forward to my next run to see if it feels as good.
It’s totally crappy rainy out anyway and today was not a scheduled run so all is not lost. I had cardio and strength training on today’s schedule but didn’t want to push it so I’m resting. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy as well but if it clears up and my glute is better I’ll run in the afternoon or just do the strength training and get back to running on Monday.