Serenity now

17 Dec

I’m feeling pretty good. Looking forward to having a fun weekend, getting thru next week, and then having a good long time off for the holidays. I’m still feeling a bit down, but better than I’ve felt in a few weeks.

Yesterday I packed up the box of gifts for my family and shipped it off to Michigan. Last night I spent a few hours catching up on all the knitting shows on my DVR and enjoyed the glow from the Christmas tree. During that time I decided that I’d pull out my big bottle of Prozac and start taking them again on Sunday. I’ve just had enough of this pounding in my chest and feeling like an overtightened violin string on the verge of snapping.

Then I woke up this morning and felt fine. Odd. So maybe all I needed to do was acknowledge the anxiety and depression and that I’m ready to do something about it for it to just go away on its own. Who knows. I could freak out any minute. But at least I’ll be prepared.

Today is the holiday party for one of the bands I play in. Jay is not coming with me this year. I gave him the out last week and he took it. Part of me wishes he’d heartily say “oh yes, I’m looking forward to the party” and be happy about going. But I know sitting around with a bunch of people he barely knows is no fun for him and, therefore, not as much fun for me as I know he’s watching the clock and waiting for me to say we can leave.

So I’m going alone and I’m quite happy to do so. This way I can mingle with my friends and not have that nagging worry in the back of my brain about Jay itching to go home. Looking forward to having a good time.

Other than the party, that’s all we have planned this weekend so I’m looking forward to relaxing, cleaning the house a bit (it’s a friggin’ mess right now), and maybe putting some ornaments on the tree. Right now it’s just got a little stuffed Grinch on it.

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Posted by on December 17, 2011 in Life


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