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Meltdown in aisle 9

26 Nov

Wow, well I don’t know what the hell happened to me this morning, but I totally melted down in the grocery store this morning. Very strange.

Today was the wood floor install day. They called at 7am to tell us that the installer would be here between 9am and 2pm so I went back to bed for a while. Doorbell rang at 8:15 and it was him. Earlier than expected but good all around. Early start means early finish. So I showered, got ready, and headed out to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner (I’ve been craving Martha Stewart’s mother’s meatloaf recipe for about a week so I went to get that).

Grocery store is totally dead at 9am, presumably due to it being 2 days after Thanksgiving and no one needing any more damn food until at least Monday. So thankfully just a few people walking around the store. I get almost to the end and the KennyG version of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas starts playing. It’s a particularly melancholy version of the song. Very beautiful, but one of those holy shit it’s the holidays, I’m depressed, I miss my family, where’s the nearest bridge I can jump from kind of songs. Know what I mean?

So one minute I’m standing there thinking “$5.29 for Kraft Singles? I don’t friggin’ think so.”  And the next minute I’m trying to find Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate and crying my eyes out. Again, thankfully there were not many people in the store so I was able to save face but wow. How weird.

I stopped into Panera to get a bagel and a gift card for my dad for Christmas. Managed to get thru that OK but lost it again the minute I got back into my car and cried all the way home. It must be the combination of all the stuff going on with the sunroom remodel/repair, the holidays, and all this health stuff and ambivalence about my dad. Like I’ve had no idea what to get him for Christmas and don’t even know if he’ll make it until then so I was thinking oh Panera card, perfect. He likes their souffles so he can spend it on those and if he dies before Christmas, my mom can use it. Horrible, I know.  He’s still on hospice and hanging in there and today he drove himself to get a haircut (1,000 feet from home, but still significant).

By the time I got home, the flooring guy had all the baseboards fixed up (Jay tried to do them and they looked like shit) and had half of the flooring laid out and ready to nail down. I’ve been dealing with all the home repair stuff for the past 2 months so I left Jay at home to deal with it. He likes to hover over people as they work and it bugs me that he does that so I didn’t want to be around when the guy told him to stop it. LOL. Not that that happens, but it bugs me so I left.

I went to stitch & bitch for a few hours. I don’t normally go on Saturdays as I’m either working, too lazy to get up that early, or have other plans. But today seemed like a great day to get out of the house, away from the noise, have some good coffee and lots of laughs. And it was a good thing. The group of women is so entertaining and I always leave there feeling refreshed and energized by the good conversation and laughter.

I do think I have depression. It is more pronounced during the winter months and during stressful times. I have taken Prozac in the past but I’d really rather deal with it without the use of medication. I think once I get my eating back under control and get back to my workout schedule it will help.

Stopped at the craft store for yet more yarn then came home to find the floor all done and absolutely gorgeous. I’m not glad that Hurricane Irene poked a hole in our roof and we had to replace part of that room, but I am glad that we decided to remodel somewhat. The room used to be a light sage green which was nice, but the mocha color we repainted with really brings out the green and fall colors outside so it’s a huge improvement. And it makes the house more our own to have changed the color and replace the French door with a sliding door. I’m very happy with the result.

We’re still not totally done though. This afternoon I filled in all the nail holes in the baseboards and trim moldings and painted them. Tomorrow Jay is going to paint the decorative beam/shelf thing and then we’ll be ready to move the furniture back in. Yay!

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3 Comments

Posted by on November 26, 2011 in Life

 

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3 responses to “Meltdown in aisle 9

  1. Debbie

    November 26, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    Depression sucks. Prozac may not be the medication that you need, but please consider others. If there is something to make things easier, why not go for it?

    I hope all the stress and changes and depression changes for the better, soon.

     
    • whenonedoorcloses

      December 1, 2011 at 11:02 am

      Thanks to you both for your kind comments. I’m reluctant to take medication as I just don’t like all that chemical stuff in my body. I stopped taking all meds about a year ago and feel much better, with the exception of these short bouts of the blues that pop up from time to time. I’ve tried all sorts of anti-depressants but the side effects were worse than the depression. Prozac had the least side effects but still made me feel weird. And I’m becoming more allergic to various medications lately so I just won’t want to take them.

       
  2. lilithrose76

    November 26, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    I know depression, and winter seems to be this black dogs friend. But excercise and food are good friends with joy, take hold of their hands, even if you really don’t feel like it, reach for them, the relief and rejuvination is worth it. I highly recommend swimming, sauna and spa, lacklustre may enter but you will leave a refreshed woman.

     

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