So it’s been a rough few weeks in my weight loss world. I’ve been nearly perfect as far as following the exercise time and calorie ranges set for me on SparkPeople.com. But in the last month I’ve lost only 3 pounds. Yeah, yeah, I know that’s totally healthy, slow and steady wins the race, blah, blah blah. I should be glad that I’ve lost even an ounce and not gained. But dammit, it is SO hard to keep my chin up and look at the bright side when it’s coming off sooo slowly.
I’ve lost a total of 32 pounds since the beginning of the year. Terrific! I acknowledge that. I’m so happy that I have tons more energy, my clothes fit great, my favorite jeans that haven’t fit since 2007 fit great, and I get to buy all new clothes come Autumn. Again, TERRIFIC and I’ve come a long way.
The process is taking a really long time and I’m getting frustrated . I understand the weight didn’t pack on in a month, it was a lifelong process, so I can’t expect to lose it all in six months. But I could really use a breakthrough week where the scale just plummets 2 or 3 pounds. I need some motivation. This morning I tried on those favorite jeans again and they fit even better than they did last week. I was able to pull an old Tommy Hilfiger shirt (one that actually never fit) out of the one remaining Rubbermaid container of too-small clothing and found that it fits me now!
So I’m making great progress, but slowly. That in combination with three other things has me bummed.
First, I went to the doctor last week to have some blood tests run. I wanted to see how my cholesterol and hormones are looking these days since I’ve dropped weight and the results were a bit disappointing. I’ve eaten literally nothing but oatmeal and almonds for breakfast for 6 months so I expected the cholesterol to be earth-shatteringly (is that a word?) low. It’s at 210. Now last summer it was 236 so 26 points lower is good! But still 10 points away from the highest “healthy” level. Bummer.
Second, I’ve only got the one Rubbermaid container left. All the too-small clothes now fit or I’ve lost through that size and gotten rid of anything that’s too big. So that last Rubbermaid container contains only swimsuits that currently fit, my vast sarong collection, a few pair of jeans that I don’t even like anyway so I don’t know why I’m keeping them, and some cold weather clothes (snow pants, 3 sweaters, winter PJs) that fit me now but will hopefully be too large come Autumn. So I think that part of my issue is that there is nothing left in that Rubbermaid to motivate me. My tub is empty.
Finally, I’m going on a road trip tomorrow. I’ve been both looking forward to this trip yet dreading it at the same time. Looking forward as it’s going to be loads of fun to road trip with my two girlfriends to a music-related weekend in Connecticut. We’re staying at a great B&B, the music is going to be great, good times. But dreading it because I’m obesessing and control freaking out about the food. Where will we eat? When will we eat? What if there’s nothing healthy on the menu? How am I going to measure everything and calculate the calories and plop them into my SparkPeople tracker.
I’ve already got Clif and Luna bars packed in my overnight bag in case I find myself ravenous and can’t find a good food option. But I’ve decided that all I can do is try to make the best choice at whatever restaurant we end up at for the duration. And to eat intuitively. I came to this conclusion thanks to Katie at RunsForCookies who had a great breakthrough this week by eating more intuitively. So that’s what I’m going to do. For the last several weeks I’ve been living and eating by the calorie range on SparkPeople. Sticking to under 1,500 calories 99.8% of the time. But what I have not been honoring are my hunger and fullness signals. It’s like I have had a huge entitlement issue this summer. Like I woke up one day with that I’m-allowed-1500-calories-per-day-and-goddamit-I’m-gonna-shove-them-down-even-if-I’m-not-physiologically-hungry attitude and never looked back.
Last night it was about 9pm and I was thinking hmmm I could go for something a little sweet. So I looked and lo and behold I had 300 more calories in my bank. So I cut up a banana and covered it in Hershey’s light syrup for a super yummy, 150 calorie snack. But I was not at all hungry. My head was hungry but my stomach was honestly still full from the too-large dinner I ate. I was well within my calories for the day, but eating out of entitlement and not out of physiological hunger. Not good.
So I’m going to spend the next four days tuning into those natural signals and seeing how that goes. I’m not saying I’m going to throw the calorie range out the window. It’s served me well for the past six months and I cannot deny that. But today I became painfully aware of the fact that I haven’t been honoring and trusting my own body so today that’s changing. We’ll see what happens…..
In the meantime, if you have any suggestions for other non-food motivators to replace my empty Rubbermaid tub motivator, please, please let me know! I already take body measurements once a month and don’t find that very motivating. Thanks!