2012 – 10 Things to Work On

New Year’s Eve here was pretty low key. There was a festival and fireworks downtown but we were too tired to deal with swarms of people so we just stayed home like any other night. We did cook up a special filet mignon dinner and some special snacks though.

And now today is a new day, a new year, a fresh start. Today I will get my office back in shape for work tomorrow. With all the home repairs and drama of the last quarter of 2011, I started working in the living room to keep watch on all the action. So tomorrow it’s back into my office where things are more organized and comfortable.

Although it is a new year there are no resolutions to be made. That’s just far too much pressure for me. So I prefer to call them guidelines and goals for better living and will do my best to accomplish them.

1. Eat within SparkPeople calorie guidelines as well as eat as intuitively as possible. Lose at least 40 more pounds this year.
2. More patience, calm, and kindness. Not just to others, but toward myself as well.
3. Do some form of movement at least 3 times per week. Goals are to run the Annapolis 1k in May and then a 5k sometime before the end of the year.
4. Last year I ate no fast food. Do that again in 2012.
5. Work on managing my reactions to friends & family so I don’t allow them to upset me so much. Work on not taking thing so seriously or and getting freaked out so much.
6. Be more thankful for what I have/share more of what I have. More focus to be made on glass half full mindset.
7. Enjoy time spent with friends and on hobbies I love. Try to not be so lazy about getting to rehearsals/meetings on nights when I tired or crabby.
8. Be more outspoken about things that piss me off. Embrace my inner Norma Rae.
9. Work less – resist the pull of the money or overtime pay in favor of time off spent with friends, family, and just being still.Spend less time online doing mindless things.
10. Simple living.  The last quarter was stressful and we found ourselves eating more but also spending more. We managed to stop ourselves right around Christmas when we were at Crate & Barrel and about to spend $40 on new coffee mugs. I really wanted them. I wanted to replace all the mismatched mugs with a set of 8 clear glass cafe mugs (they are lovely, no?) but I realized how stupid it would be to replace our perfectly good, if mismatched, mugs when it was totally unnecessary. So we resisted the urge and I’m proud of us for doing so.

Whilst all of these things are important goals I want to achieve this year, I want most to continue to drop more weight so I can enjoy life to its fullest. Although I’ve gained back a bit of the 40 pounds I lost in 2011 (and have been somewhat sluggish lately) I do feel so much better than this time last year so I’m looking forward to feeling even better as more weight comes off.

With this in mind, I’ve designed a reward system to coincide with my plan. I am notoriously cheap when it comes to certain things so the rewards are designed to be somewhat decadent to help me 1. want to achieve them; and 2. force me to be kind to myself by not denying myself nice things when appropriate. The plan is a reward for every 10-15 pounds lost. And I’m being purposely vague about the weights for all of these goals cuz that’s for me to know. Some things are just too personal

Goal 1: Lose the weight I’ve gained back. No reward for that. My reward for losing 40 pounds in 2011 was to enjoy eating and sitting too much in November & December, thus gaining pounds back. Reward already spent.

Goal 2: Ten pounds lighter than goal 1 – Day at the spa. I’m hoping to accomplish this by the end of February, 2012 because I think that’s reasonable, but I also love to have a spa day in the dead of winter. I used to do this every February but I had an unpleasant experience one year and as a result haven’t gone in several years.

Goal 3: Lose 15 more (end of April?) Put a bunch of money aside to go to Maryland Sheep & Wool fest with stitch friends in May.

Goal 4: Lose 10 more – Get new summer clothes.

Goal 5: Lose 10 more. When I get here I’m going to purchase the LUSH Legends gift box. This weight is my original goal from January 2011. I didn’t make it but I made great progress. This is the last weight when I was really happy. It’s not my lightest though. If I decide to go lower and actually do it, the reward will be huge.

Ultimate goal: If I can lose 15 more pounds from goal 5, I’m getting a treadmill or elliptical for indoor exercise when it’s too hot or crummy weather outside. Also, I want to go back to Atlantis in the Bahamas or to Pelican Beach Resort in Ft Lauderdale using the money that’s sitting in my online bank account waiting to be spent on something awesome.

My favorite things

In general, I’m a glass half full kind of person. Sure, I get into ruts now and then when everything sucks, everyone sucks, and life is shit, but I always get myself out of it and realize that I have many, many things to be thankful for.

That said…..

You knew that was coming, didn’t ya?

Anyway, that said, I must admit that I’m thankful this year is ending. We had a lot of crappy things happen in between the all the good that happened. Earthquake, hurricane, terrifying convict manhunt, home repairs, car accidents, illnesses, lots of money going out and not too much going into savings.

And that said, again, at year’s end I’m going to reflect on the things that I love. Not an Oprah-style favorite products type of thing, but just my favorite life experiences from the past year and things I’m thankful for. And also random things I love. In no particular order and doing this in a stream of consciousness manner so I have no idea how many I’ll come up with before my brain runs dry.

So here goes…

1. When Jay, my mom, or anyone really laughs out loud about something I’ve said or done. For example, when I was at fife & drum practice last month and said “let’s play God Rest Ye Jerry Mendleman” instead of Merry Gentlemen. People are still laughing about that one. About it, not at me, by the way. Big difference.
2. Technology that keeps me connected. Specifically Facebook, my iPhone, and Skype.
3. Real, open friendships – like when a friend opens up to me and we have a great talk about something deep or connect on a personal level.
4. My BFFs shortbread cookies. The most delicious cookie. Ever.
5. When my BFF tells me I was her sister before she had a sister & that she loves me. We’ve been friends for 30 years and I truly think of her as my sister although she is not. I love the way our friendship has matured and changed over the years and when we don’t see each other for a while, we pick up right where we left off.
6. That first week when Starbucks starts serving pumpkin spice lattes. I usually get like 3 of them that week and burn myself out until the new year.
7. Oh and the red Starbucks cups too.
8. Stitching – crochet, knit, you name it.
9. SmartWool socks – I replaced all my socks with SmartWool late this year. Yeah, they’re that good.
10. Whoopie pies from the Amish market
11. Getting into smaller clothes as I lose weight.
12. Getting rid of clothes that are too big for me.
13. Being able to shop at more stores/not having to rely on plus size stores all the time.
14. Playing music with my friends
15. Taking a road trip with girlfriends (specifically the trip to Connecticut this past summer).
16. Having real conversations with my nephew as he gets older.
17. Getting a great deal on Groupon or saving money by using Ebates.com
18. York Peppermint Patties
19. When my cat jumps on my lap or onto the bed next to me and stays for more than 5 minutes.
20. When someone comments on a blog post or subscribes to this blog
21. Finding free patterns or craft ideas on Ravelry.com
22. Stitch & bitch – so happy to have made such wonderful new friends.
23. Spa days in the dead of winter
24. Walking in snowy woods at night. Don’t get much chance to do that here in Maryland.
25. My DivaCup. TMI, I totally know that! But thanks to my wonderful friends in #22 I have seen the light.
26. Feeling my bones as I lose weight
27. Yoga. Although I don’t do it nearly as often as I’d like.
28. Mastering a difficult crafty thing or musical piece
29. Learning how to do stuff using YouTube videos. This year I learned to cut my own hair, innumerable new hairstyling techniques, learned how to knit, learned how to transfer old cassette tapes to MP3 format using a $3.99 cable from Radio Shack, and much, much more.
30. Yarnbombing
31. Game night. Jay hates it, but I could play games til I drop dead.
32. When animals find me. This is also one of my least favorite things, as I want to keep all the lost animals who find me, but they must know I have a warm heart for lost critters and will feed them, love them, and help them get back home.
33. Getting food on sale and then using my FoodSaver to seal it all up and freeze it.
34. When the leaves change in fall
35. During the holidays, clementines, fresh cranberries, and roasted chestnuts.
36. Sitting quietly in the living room enjoying the warm light from the Christmas tree.
37. Yarn – I don’t think I’ll ever become a yarn snob, but I’m learning to really appreciate good yarn.
38. Sleeping with the windows open on a cool night and hearing crickets and frogs.
39. Even though I despise winter, I love changing over to the flannel sheets and warm bedding to keep me warm.
40. Heated seats in Jay’s car
41. That our electric blanket has dual controls so I can have a sweat lodge on my side but not roast Jay in the process.
42. My wonderful friends. Real and pretend.
43. Cashmere. Not that I often have the occasion to wear it, but when I do, I enjoy the hell out of it.
44. Bonfires
45. Hanging out with my BFF playing games, watching West Side Story for the 90th time, or just driving around. I love spending time with her.
46. That Jay finally has a hobby that he loves.
47. Jigsaw puzzles
48. West Side Story and pretty much any musical in existence.
49. My symphony subscription and having such a great orchestra just a mile from home. Love the quality and convenience.
50. Henna. It’s still a royal pain in the ass but nothing makes my hair feel or look better, nor does anything garner compliments the way henna has.
51. My Tangle Teezer hairbrush. Love, love love.
52. Smelly candles
53. And smelly bath and body stuff too.
54. Coffee with sweet cream. And maybe a little whipped cream on top.
55. Having two jobs that I like. Especially during this era when having just one job that one maybe doesn’t like at all is a good thing.
56. Having a very cool boss who is bright, competent, and kind.
57. Living in this cool little city.
58. Geocaching
59. Purple Heart who comes right to the house to pick up my old clothing and housewares
60. Getting great deals at thrift and resale shops
61. Books that suck me into their plots when I need an escape from real life.
62. ipods and iphones for reading and listening to ebooks and audiobooks.
63. Getting free stuff by mystery shopping.
64. Moving into our new house. Even though we’ve had a lot of unexpected repair expenses, I love this house!
65. Nice new neighbors
66. My cute little blue car
67. Ice wine.
68. The $2 geranium I got from Home Depot this spring that’s still blooming. I’m determined to see if I can keep it going all winter and set it back out next spring.
69. Learning something new and helpful by reading blogs
70. Watching the Twilight Zone marathon on New Year’s Eve (also 4th of July weekend). Annoys the hell out of Jay though
71. Singing show tunes in my car. Only with the windows up and when I’m alone though.
72. Having the ability to memorize dozens of pieces of music and play them from memory in public.
73. My cat’s meow. It’s more of a chirp and it’s super cute.
74. When people call me Bugg instead of my real name.

OK well that’s about it. I could go on and on but I’m happy with what I’ve got.

Wishing all of you a wonderful 2012.

Year in review

OK I know this post is kind of a cop out, especially since my last post was a meme. I have tons of subjects to write about but I’m truly enjoying my lazy vacation and don’t feel like writing about any one topic. Most of the topics surround end of year/new year things anyway so I’m jumping into Ellen at Fat Girl Wearing Thin’s year in review meme which covers several things that have been on my mind.

Here goes…

1. What did you want more of in 2011 and did you get it?

Three things and I got them all. First – Job satisfaction. When a co-worker left the company back in March, the executive team offered me her job. I was a bit miffed when they offered the job to her to begin with seeing as I have 15 years experience in QA and she had none, but that’s all water under the bridge and I’m where I should be now and I’m happy about it. I was feeling stale in my previous position and starting to entertain the idea of looking for a new job when the opportunity came up so it’s a good thing. Second – getting more involved in my community. I really love this little town and enjoy being part of making it better and enjoying it. Finally – just getting out there. For years I’ve been a lazy slug but that’s over now. I was the person who always looked for the closest parking spot, avoided movement, avoided doing things that involved too much walking or activity. Now that I’ve lost weight I have much more energy to enjoy more things.

 

2. What did you accomplish this year that surprised you? I finally learned to knit! I made some dishcloths for my mom, a baby blanket for a friend, and a scarf for my dad. I’m so happy to have finally learned and I’m looking forward to making some socks next year.

I also did not eat any fast food in 2011. OK that’s not entirely true. I went to Chickfila a handful of times but other than that, no fast food. Not a single bite of McDonald’s, BK, Wendy’s, or (GASP) my beloved Taco Bell.

 

3. Did you read any memorable books or see any great movies this year?  What made it/them great?

I read a lot this year. Only 32 books compared with 35 from last year, but still a lot. My favorite of the year was Confessions of a Prairie Bitch written by Alison Arngrim who played Nellie Olsen on Little House. It was SO good. Funny, interesting, and a very good read. I highly recommend it. I also listened to A Little Bit Wicked by Kristen Chenoweth and The Help. Wicked was read by the author so it was even more enjoyable than if someone else read it. The Help was read by a number of women so the voices, accents, and inflection really helped bring it to life. Because it was so enjoyable to listen to The Help, I have no desire to see the movie. The women are in my head as I imagined and heard them and I worry that seeing the movie would ruin it for me.

As far as movies, well I don’t go to the movies often, maybe twice a year. So the only movie I’ve seen this year is the last Harry Potter which was great.

 

4. What was your proudest accomplishment in 2011?

Losing 40 pounds and sticking to eating and movement in moderation for most of the year. I’ve never stuck with anything health-related for that long. I learned a lot about myself in the process and I’m looking forward to getting back on track and losing another 40 pounds this year.

 

5.  Did you do anything spontaneous that ended up enriching your life?

Hmmmm. The only thing I can think of at the moment is last week when I called a plumber to address the toilet leakage issue in the upstairs bathroom. He came here, diagnosed, fixed, and I made all the decisions on my own without freaking about it too much. Looks like I could use some spontaneity in my life in 2012, eh?

 

6.  Did you meet any interesting people in 2011 for whom you are grateful to have in your life?

The gals from stitch & bitch for sure. They are the most welcoming, fun group of women and we all totally click. I feel close to them as if we’ve been friends for years. I could ask or talk to them about anything and I’m so grateful for that. I also got to know my friend Peggy better this year and very much enjoyed the road trip we took together and spending time with her. I’m really just SO thankful to have so many new friends here in Maryland around whom I can be my totally weird self.

 

7.  What was missing from your life this year, and do you have any desire to reclaim it?

Fast food and my family and friends back home. I don’t have any desire to reclaim the fast food, but I do still miss my family and old friends so much. My wish for this missing piece for 2012 is that someone will come to visit us here in Maryland.

 

8.  Was there anything that happened in 2011 that you could have done without?

I could have done without the multiple natural disasters which wreaked havoc with my new house and my checkbook. I’ve got my fingers crossed that we can get thru 2012, or at least several months of it, without any expensive home or auto repair expenses.

 

9.  What lesson do you want to keep locked in your memory as this year comes to a permanent close?

That I am strong of body and mind and I can tackle any challenge that’s thrown my way. Be it snakes, earthquakes, hurricanes, or family drama, I can get thru it and it will make me smarter, stronger, whatever in the end.

Happy Holidays to Meme

I’ve never done a meme before they remind of of that time about 2 years ago when everyone was using Facebook Notes to share info about their favorites, firsts, etc. I also like them for those days when I don’t have much to say, which is kind of a rarity, especially this year with all the drama.

But today I’m going to do the following Christmas meme as I’m in the holiday spirit. Jay and I are both off for a few days so today we went out into the madness and did a little shopping. It was pretty crazy out there so we just hit a furniture store (I’m looking for a new sofa for the living room as this loveseat is too tiny). We also got some cash from the bank, got some stuff from Trader Joe’s for the holidays, and a TJ”s gift card and wasabi almonds for our kind next-door neighbors. They have been so kind to us since we moved in which is awesome since we don’t really know anyone here. Getting out into the craziness was very aggravating but it put me into the holiday mood.

So on with the meme! I’ve enjoyed reading others’ Christmas meme posts.  Thanks to Emjayandthem and Terri for the inspiration.

 

1. A Christmas song I can listen to even in June is: None, actually. I get very annoyed when retailers and radio stations start pushing Christmas at the stroke of midnight on November 1st. I don’t want to hear it until Thanksgiving, thank you very much. At a seasonally appropriate time of year, my favorite songs are the instrumental version of Sleigh Ride, Do You Hear What I Hear, Little Drummer Boy, and a holiday instrumental CD from two prominent flutists (Erv Monroe & Alexander Zonjic) titled Pipers Holiday.

2. Hot chocolate, eggnog or mulled wine?   Definitely hot chocolate in winter, but around Christmastime Jay and I always splurge on a bottle of Bailey’s and goose our hot coffee with a few tbsp of it and a good pile of whipped cream.

3. When do you put your Christmas decorations up? I like to put them up close to my birthday, which is on December 2nd. Jay doesn’t usually like to put them up that early so sometimes I honor that and wait until around the 10th of December. This year I went crazy and started decorating on Thanksgiving day. I don’t put that much up though. Just a wreath, a pine swag on the picture window and the tree.

4. What are you having for Christmas dinner? On Christmas eve we’re having a HoneyBaked Ham and potatoes. For Christmas Day I’m making homemade pasta and spaghetti. Totally non-traditional but it’s just me and Jay again this year so we get to have whatever we want. Looking forward to enjoying the leftovers of both dinners for a few days after. I was actually able to find challah at TJ’s today and just about did the happy dance in the aisle. In fact I was so excited I accidentally kicked over a half gallon of cherry cider that went spraying all over the store. Oops. I like to make French toast on holiday mornings using challah so we’ll have that for Christmas breakfast.

5. What’s your favorite Christmas tradition? Driving around looking at holiday lights displays. There are quite a few in our neighborhood which thrills me to death so this year should be especially good for our lights tour. Another tradition is roasting chestnuts. I always, always get them this time of year (along with a pomegrante) and enjoy them for dessert between Christmas and New Year’s.

 

6. Have you ever gone caroling? Yes, when I was in junior high I used to go out with my brother and his friends. They were all in the high school choir and/or theatre kids so they loved to sing constantly. We’d just go to random houses and start singing on their porch. It was so much fun. Also when I was a kid I grew up in a very tight-knit neighborhood where we’d do a progressive dinner with about 8 other neighbors and we’d always end at the street light in the center of the block and stand under it and sing carols. Good, good times.

7. When did you discover the truth about Santa? I think I was about 8 years old but I don’t remember the specifics. I do remember that I pretended to believe for about 2 more years solely for the benefit of my uncle. He loved to tell stories about Santa and he’d get super excited about Christmas so since I was the youngest and I didn’t want him to lose that feeling, I pretended for a few more years until the next kid was born and he could start over with that one. I wonder if he knew I was faking it.

8. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? My tree is a collection of ornaments I was given as gifts or things I’ve made over the years (like in Girl Scouts). I have tons of Hallmark ornaments from my mother and ornaments I’ve purchased on vacations or from special places. I like to put each on the tree and remember the place I got it or the person who gave it to me.

9. What’s the best thing about Christmas?   Quiet time reflecting on the past year and thinking about my hopes for the upcoming year. Spending time with friends and family.

10. All I want for Christmas is: Peace, relaxation, time with my family and friends.

 

Ready for some R&R

Today at 5pm I turn into a pumpkin. I’m off from my full time job until January 2nd. My part time job will keep me somewhat busy until about 11pm on the 25th, then I’m off from both jobs until the 2nd. I’m really looking forward to no drama and lots of rest and relaxation.

Yesterday was our margarita night for stitch & bitch. We usually meet at Starbucks but every 3rd Wednesday we hit a local Mexican place during happy hour for half price appetizers and margaritas. I have only gone a few times this year as I’ve been dieting and trying to avoid the place as I can’t control myself enough to not eat their delicious nachos. But since I’m playing hooky from the diet for another week or so, and I realllly needed a drink and some laughs, I went.

I almost didn’t make it though. I got out to my car and it was dead as a doornail. Popped the hood and saw that the battery was all corroded. Jay got home shortly thereafter and between him, me, and the next-door neighbor we got it pushed out into the street where they got it jumpstarted.

Jay is now officially off my holiday shitlist as a result. He dropped me off at stitch, took the car directly to Sam’s Club for a new battery, then came back to pick me up. But not before coming inside for a half price beer and being charming around my friends. I think he truly understands how stir crazy I get from being at home alone all day and that a few hours of girl talk and libations does wonders for my brain and physical well-being.

It rained a bit yesterday but the roof seems to have not leaked. At least I don’t think so. I’m still nervous about it as I think we’re in for several more episodes of rain over the next week or so, but I’ve got my fingers crossed that all is well, at least for the time being. I touched up the few dark spots on the bedroom ceiling with some white paint so at least they’re not the first thing I see when I wake up.  The one spot is still a bit visible so I’m hoping it’s just the cheapass paint I bought ($12 for 2 gallons at Lowe’s) and I need more coats. Before I painted I tested the spot and it seemed dry so, again, fingers crossed that the 2 inches of rain on its way here doesn’t come into the house. Oy. So stressed thinking about it as I know no one will be able to get here to look at it or fix it until Monday.Please, please, pleasssse don’t leak.

So once we get past the rain and onto the, hopefully, dry side of it, I can begin to relax. Can’t wait.

 

 

I’m over Christmas

Yeah, so I’m back to bitch about Christmas some more. This is the last year for Christmas. I’m putting my foot down. This is it.

Friday I boxed up all the gifts for family back home and sent them off to Michigan. Hopefully they’ll get there in time. As I mentioned last week, no one needs a damn thing so it’s a bunch of gift cards. I’m sick to death of buying gifts and basically just exchanging money. But I won’t go off on that rant again.

What I will bitch about though, is Jay. Now I know he’s not much into the holidays. In fact he hasn’t started shopping for me at all yet, while I finished his shopping back in July. I’m weird like that. I’ve set a limit of $50 this year and about 6 weeks ago I emailed him a list of ideas.

Saturday he asked me for a list. Um, Jay, check your frigging email. It was there and he had read it but forgot.

Sunday we were in a store and I pointed to and commented about a cute pair of fleece socks which, to me, was a pretty good hint that it was something I clearly liked. In fact, sometimes we’ll be walking around stores and I’ll say “oh this is cute, your wife would love this, this would be a great gift for your wife”. Anyway, he says yeah those are cute, what size do you wear, what color do you like best. So I say oh I like them all and I’d take an extra small.

He then grabbed a pair of extra small socks in one of the patterns and was going to buy it. Right there. Right there with me next to him! Ugh.

I’m well aware that I sound very bratty and ungrateful. I should be happy that I have a husband and that he wants to buy me a gift. But I think it’s incredibly rude to buy someone’s Christmas present right in front of them. What’s the point. I mean, we’ve known each other for 20 years and he can’t just buy something off my list, use the list as a guide, or remember even one of the 1,000 things I’ve pointed out over the last 6 months? He knows I love candles and LUSH. Get something there, right? Easy way out and I’ll love it.

I’m honestly to the point at which I don’t care anymore and Christmas gifts are just drudgery. So I’m done, finished, putting my foot down. Next year we’re just going to buy something for the house or go shopping together one day in December and buy whatever crap we need and call it even.

Secret Santas to the rescue

OK so I know this is going to sound really lame, but I’d like to perform a random act of kindness, but I’m not sure how.

This week my heart has been melted and re-melted again having heard various stories of random acts of kindness or Secret Santas who can to the rescue. For example the anonymous people paying off others’ Kmart layaway accounts. Have you heard about that?  So cool.

The same day I read about the layaway Santas, two of my friends posted on Facebook that they were recipients of random acts of kindness. One of the Fresh & Frugal Divas was buying a car seat for her child and when she got up to the register was informed that some kind person had already paid for it!

Then not 2 minutes later,  my friend Terrie posted that she was out to eat at Applebee’s with her sons celebrating her graduation from nursing school. When it came time for the waiter to bring the bill, he informed her that another anonymous diner had already arranged to pay their bill. Her son was in his Army uniform so it was his way of thanking him anonymously for his service to our country.

A few hours later another friend posted that he had just delivered a new laptop to a total stranger. He had read a story about her in his local paper, contacted the reporter who wrote the story, and arranged for his family to provide the woman with the computer she so desperately needed. The idea being that he wants to teach his two young daughters that Christmas isn’t all about what’s in it for me, but what can we do for others. They plan to do this every year as a family thing to keep the meaning of the holidays close to their heart.

What amazing stories! It’s a stark reminder of the spirit and meaning of the holiday season and how our kind actions affect others and make the world a better place. I want to help make the world a better place, but I’m not sure where to start. I was in the Starbucks drive thru yesterday and was going to pay the bill of the person behind me but no one pulled up.

I thought about just leaving a $5 with the cashier with instructions to apply it to the balance of the next person to come thru the drive thru, but the skeptic in me came out and I got all worried that he’d pocket the $5 and the whole point would be lost. Yeah, I don’t have a lot of faith in people. Which makes no sense when I look back at these incredible stories I just wrote about!

So I WILL think of something before the year is out. I just have to figure out what to do and how to do it so the person won’t know it’s me. And I’ll report back when I do it to share the good feeling with all of you. In the meantime, if you have any bright ideas for what I should do, please share!

 

So much for that serenity

Well that didn’t last long. Woke up this morning with that stress lump in my throat and my heart pounding. This is not good.

I believe it actually started last night. I finally found the motivation to decorate the Christmas tree so I spent an hour or so working on that before doing some knitting. While working on the tree I could hear my pulse beating in my ears. At first I thought it was the TV.

So I think it might be one of a few things:

1. It’s Monday and Mondays suck. I like my job though so I don’t tend to get stressed out about Mondays like a lot of people do. Still, the weekend is over and seemed to fly by so maybe it’s just wishing I had more time off. Thankfully it’s a short week and then I’m off until January 2nd.
2. Rain is coming. I heard the weather report and it’s calling for heavy rain on Wednesday so I’m very worried about the repairs to the roof. I’m going to be pissed if the roof continues to leak but I’m also worried that a new leak is going to develop.
3. My mother is driving me crazy! I swear people think that “working from home” means I don’t do a thing all day because they call in the middle of the day and ask what I’m doing. Helllooooo, I’m working!  Anyway, my mom is good with computers but any new gadgets stress her out, then I have to hear all about it and her stress transfers to me. My uncle sent her a Kindle last week so she’s trying to figure it out and all stressed out about it. Every time she has a question, she calls. Will it work at your brother’s house, did you know that there are 49,000 free books, how do I charge it, blah blah blah. I really have no idea as I haven’t used mine in ages and never really got that good with it.

I could wring my uncle’s neck for sending the thing as I know she gets all freaked out over new technology. Like abnormally freaked out. One year my dad bought her a new laptop and it was like the end of the world. We ended up taking it back about a week later and I seriously thought one of us was going to need hospitalization over it.

So yeah, I’m a bit stressed today…..

Holiday afterglow

I find that it’s really hard to meet people who have common interests and personalities but who are also tolerable. Remember when you were a little kid and you’d meet another kid at school or out somewhere with your parents and you’d be fast friends? I loved that.

But as adults we’re not like that. I suppose all the baggage of our lives adds up over time and we close ourselves off somewhat. I do that anyway. Not sure about you. It just seems that I have a tendency to meet people who suck all the life and energy out of me. Like the seem fun at first then they let their real personalities out and I run screaming the other direction. Remind me to tell you about PsychoYogaStalkerHosebeastChick someday.

As a result of all that past baggage, I’m extra careful and leery about meeting new people. I’m always looking for signs that a new friend is going to turn into so I can cut bait and run before I invest too much time or energy into a relationship.

However, one of the things I’m most happy about/grateful for about moving to Maryland are the friends I have met so far. I cannot believe my fortune in having found so many really nice people very shortly after moving here. In fact, I had contacted the band I play with (not the dramatic one, the other fife & drum group) about a year before we moved to Maryland. One of the conditions of me agreeing to pull up stakes from Michigan and move elsewhere was that I had a huge say in where we went. It had to be good for Jay’s job, but it had to offer lots of things to do as well as musical outlets for me.

So I contacted the F&D group about a year ahead of time to feel them out and it seemed like a good fit. I met them about 3 weeks after moving here and they welcomed me with warm, open arms and I am super grateful.

Yesterday was our annual holiday party and it was just awesome. One of our members lives on several acres on the Eastern shore of Maryland. Some years ago he moved an old log cabin to his property and added it to his existing house. The house itself is amazing in that it’s huge but warm and inviting. Very casual and homey. But the log cabin part of it where we hang out and talk and play music is the best. It’s just a huge room with all sorts of eclectic furniture, low lighting, also very homey and comfortable.

His wife is the most incredible cook. She baked a ham, homemade rolls, and three kinds of soup. We all sat around slurping and munching and grunting with delight (did I mention she’s an awesome cook?  LOL) as we enjoyed the feast by candlelight and the light of the Christmas tree. The soup and a few glasses of wine helped warm my body, but the music, conversation, and friendship warmed and melted my heart, as if it were a Hershey bar left in the sun.

After dinner the songbooks came out. Those of us not playing Irish whistles, fiddles, or flutes sang along. I brought my C flute with me this year and it sounded really good with the fiddle and whistles. I had such a great time that I was the last to leave after helping them clean up all the food and dirty dishes.

It reminded me of the Christmases of my youth, minus the cleaning, baking, and screaming/fighting with my mother. When I was a kid, my parents used to host Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone would come. We’d literally have about 40 people in total for dinner. During dessert my dad would light a bunch of candles and turn the lights off and we’d sing Christmas carols. The cool thing was that we went around the table so each person could call out their favorite song for the group to sing. My brother would always sing O Holy Night. My cousin would sing Little Drummer Boy. He’s an alto so he’d sing the melody and my dad and brother (I’d say they are both tenors) would sing the rhythm and that was always a highlight. My Aunt Rose and gramma would sing a few songs in Italian as well.

Somewhere along the way the families split into smaller families and we stopped having those large gatherings. My cousins, most of whom are about 10 years older than me, got married, had kids, and started their own traditions. After my grandparents died we were down to me and Jay, my brother, and my parents. Now it’s just my brother, nephew, and parents there and me and Jay here.

But I still have the memories of those Christmases past and the hope of more Christmases with my new friends and family here. Yep, family here. Because I believe family is not just those related by blood, but also those bonded by love and friendship.

 

Serenity now

I’m feeling pretty good. Looking forward to having a fun weekend, getting thru next week, and then having a good long time off for the holidays. I’m still feeling a bit down, but better than I’ve felt in a few weeks.

Yesterday I packed up the box of gifts for my family and shipped it off to Michigan. Last night I spent a few hours catching up on all the knitting shows on my DVR and enjoyed the glow from the Christmas tree. During that time I decided that I’d pull out my big bottle of Prozac and start taking them again on Sunday. I’ve just had enough of this pounding in my chest and feeling like an overtightened violin string on the verge of snapping.

Then I woke up this morning and felt fine. Odd. So maybe all I needed to do was acknowledge the anxiety and depression and that I’m ready to do something about it for it to just go away on its own. Who knows. I could freak out any minute. But at least I’ll be prepared.

Today is the holiday party for one of the bands I play in. Jay is not coming with me this year. I gave him the out last week and he took it. Part of me wishes he’d heartily say “oh yes, I’m looking forward to the party” and be happy about going. But I know sitting around with a bunch of people he barely knows is no fun for him and, therefore, not as much fun for me as I know he’s watching the clock and waiting for me to say we can leave.

So I’m going alone and I’m quite happy to do so. This way I can mingle with my friends and not have that nagging worry in the back of my brain about Jay itching to go home. Looking forward to having a good time.

Other than the party, that’s all we have planned this weekend so I’m looking forward to relaxing, cleaning the house a bit (it’s a friggin’ mess right now), and maybe putting some ornaments on the tree. Right now it’s just got a little stuffed Grinch on it.